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Thursday, April 28, 2016

New Excerpt - Just Written

I did a group blog last Saturday on weather and writing. It got me thinking about how I wasn't using weather much in my stories and how I might strengthen the book if I used weather more effectively. I' thought about it and woke up the other morning and had an idea for my wip. It's the first paragraph for Death Southern Style. I'm excited about it so I'm sharing it with you.
  
     Juliee Ann was coming home for a visit. It had been a long time. Manon had picked a few more things for the visit, At the front door she juggled the parcels, her umbrella and the key. She jabbed it  in the direction of the loc.
     The rain intensified, bouncing off the pavement behind her. A gust of wind turned her umbrella inside out. The key found the opening and turned the lock.
     Thunder rumbled across the sky.
     Manon paused. She wouldn't get to see Juliee Ann after all. And she'd miss their regular telephone call tonight. A single tear escaped.
     She had no choice. If she turned away they would follow her and shoot her down in the s The information wasn't going to protect her any longer. A neighbor could get hurt, or stumble or her body on the sidewalk.
     No. Her time had come. There was so much she w should have shared with Juliee Ann. It hadn't saved Manon, but it might help Juliee Ann. At least she would be aware of the threat.
     Manon pushed the door open.
     Thunder crashed all around her. Lightning slashed across the sky.
     At the same time a light flashed across the room.

What do you think? Comments? suggestions? Does the weather add emphasis?

6 comments:

  1. Great to add weather and this passage is enhanced with it!

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    1. Thanks Vicki. I appreciate the comment.

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  2. I love weather in my stories and storms are always so exciting!

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    1. So many people use weather and so well. I'm a slow learner but will use it more. thanks for the comment.

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  3. If someone was going to shoot someone else what could be better than doing it under the cover of a thunderstorm? Even if no shots follow, the thunder and lightning seem to be causing her to realize the danger she is in. I like your use of the weather regardless of which way the story goes!

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    1. Thanks for your comments. Glad you liked it. And thanks for dropping by.

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